8th Dec 21 – An anxiety filled morning

I returned from my run this morning feeling good – full of belief and optimism. However, it didn’t take long before anxiety and worry started to fill my mind. My brain is in overdrive, constantly trying to figure out what I want to do next – but it seems the more I try, the busier and more jumbled my mind seems to become.

So after my shower I knew I had to meditate – one of the techniques I use to relax and bring myself back to the present; it didn’t have much impact. And here I am now – mind still busy – sharing my thoughts.

Here are some of the thoughts going through my head:

“people from my old job are laughing at me – leaving my job, and still haven’t produced anything of value”

“I’m going to run out of money and have to take a job I don’t enjoy”

“I don’t know what I want to do!”

“why is it so hard to have clarity?”

I have started to feel myself drift into a place where I’m lacking self-belief and doubting my abilities; and when you lose hope, it can start to spiral into dark places.

If I lose belief in myself, then it’s more than likely that my actions will reflect that, and it’ll become a self-fulfilling cycle. But there’s no reason for me not to believe in myself! I’ve overcome challenging problems in the past:

  • defeated depression
  • graduated with a Masters in Mechanical Engineering
  • ran a 1/2 marathon
  • completed the David Goggins 4 x 4 x 48 challenge and raised over £2,000 for charity
  • delivered projects worth in excess of £4M
  • etc.

It’s time to start believing again!

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